We got a call from Hyrum's teacher yesterday. I feel really badly for him because it seems he is too much his father's son.
While he's in class he does absolutely nothing. The teacher called us to have a talk with her to discuss what can be done. It's unfortunate that we have to make up for her short-comings, but I am glad that she was willing to ask us for help instead of just complaining that she couldn't do her job of teaching our child.
Last night I had a talk with Hyrum about doing his work in class and tried to listen to him as best as I could to see what it is that's keeping him from doing it. He started out talking about the heat, and feeling distracted and eventually opened up and told me how one of the girls in the class called him a "Know-Nothing". I tried to explain to him that I would bet that he's the smartest kid in the class. To which he responded, "I'm just a blob of gunk". Or something to that effect.
I told him that if he wants people to think that he's smart he should finish his work first, before anyone else. In the minds of 3rd graders, the quality of the work isn't really evaluated. The speed at which you complete work however is easily observed and can be a much easier measuring stick for the 8 year old mind.
This morning when I dropped him off at school, I stayed to talk to his teacher and sat in the room with them for a while. The first thing that made my heart sorrow for his sake was his seat. All of the kids sit at tables that are pushed together so they are facing each other during the day, except Hyrum. He sits at a desk separated from the rest of the class, right next to the teacher's desk. He's ostracized in the minds of these kids. Not good enough. It's no wonder they think he's dumb and he thinks of himself as worthless. That's me putting a word to his phrase "I'm just a blob of gunk" but I think it's accurate.
With me there, he stayed on task fairly well. I had to remind him once or twice that he should be writing when he was looking at the board, staring into space, or figuring out what all pictures were. My visit only lasted 30 min. or so and I can see how for the teacher it would get overwhelming to have to remind him to work every 10-15min when there are 20 other students to work with.
When he was finished with his first assignment and turned it in to his teacher, she turned to me to say "He never finishes this quickly. And I know that he's capable of it. He'll spend 40min. not doing an assignment, but if I keep him in from recess, he'll get it done in 5." I also know that he's capable. I think I might just have to make it part of my morning routine. Get up, shower, take the boys to school and sit with Hyrum for the first part of his day.
We'll see if it helps for the rest of the day.
10:20 AM
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2 comments:
Although I think it is admirable for you to be able to sit with your child in class, that isn't teaching him to stay on task. What will he do when you can't come anymore. What if you set up a system of reward for him. Set up a log between his teacher and you guys. She will log in how long it took him to do his work everyday and whether it was a good day or bad day. Then have Hyrum pick something to work toward.....it can be a toy or going to his favorite place or resteraunt or getting his favorite dessert. Then you tell him that if he can stay on task and finish his work in a timely manner, for the whole week, then he will get his reward....really hype it up and make it exciting. Make sure you put up a calendar and put stickers or draw a happy face when he does it. Then stick to it. If he doesn't complete the whole week then no reward. It teaches him that doing his work is a good thing and gets him in the habit of doing it. I would also talk to his teacher about adding him to another group of kids instead of isolating him....see if that improves his self esteem. She may not realize the effect that it is having on him and thinks it is helpful due to the cutting out of distractions. It may not help though and may work against him in getting more distracted, just like the teacher thinks he would. Sorry for the novel, but I think it is important to follow your gut and fight for your child, especially when they can't.
I know you & Jared are awesome parents & you care very much about Hyrum & all your boys. I know you'll figure out how to fix this! Alice has some great ideas.
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