It's still only just past noon today, but it's turning out to be a good one I think. There's a Law Firm that is looking for a computer support specialist, and gave me a phone interview this morning. Finger's crossed, I'll be called back for an in person interview with the hiring manager.
Funny thing is, I don't know if I want the job or not. Getting it will introduce a hole slew of other issues. Will I be able to finish my bachelor's degree in the next 2 years if I take it? Can I really leave Meg and the kids to go to Bakersfield anyway? I would kind of rather go to CSUB and maybe CSUSM, I still don't know.
With Meg leaving to Honduras in a couple of weeks here (wow, less than 2) Can I really start a new job? How will it affect my unemployment, financial aid, school plans ...
It almost seems easier to just not get the job and keep focusing on school.
At the age of 36 I had still never walked in any kind of commencement ceremony. You wouldn't think it would be that big a deal, or at least that over time the regret would subside. I thought it had until I got the email from my community college that I had qualified for an Associate's Degree and would be able to participate in the 2011 graduation ceremony. All my life I had belittled that college calling it "Harvard on the Hill" and "13th grade" implying that it was only barely more than a high school. While that still may be true, and while community colleges get no respect (mostly due to the non-exclusivity factor) I was proud to have earned that degree. It may not seem like an accomplishment to most people. In fact, I still minimize it somewhat. The fact is though, had it not been for that school, at this time in my life, I would have lost hope.
Jobless, and feeling worthless it was just my last opportunity to prove to myself that I am not an idiot. I put a good show for people and they get the sense that I'm an intelligent guy who thinks deeply. The reality is that I talk slowly because I am not quick witted. Like anyone, I can see humor in things and inconsistencies, but this degree is tangible proof that I have put in the work, the studying, the analysis, the critical thinking to earn it. With it, I see the possibility of no longer playing the part of a scholar, I can be one.
I intend to go on, and that ceremony moved me to tears. Helped me to feel that opportunities are attainable. I enjoyed that feeling immensely, and I want it again. I plan to continue my education and now have a goal to walk again in 2 years, and again two years after that. I'm not stopping until I have a law degree, and maybe not even then.
