Over a Year

At the age of 36 I had still never walked in any kind of commencement ceremony.  You wouldn't think it would be that big a deal, or at least that over time the regret would subside.  I thought it had until I got the email from my community college that I had qualified for an Associate's Degree and would be able to participate in the 2011 graduation ceremony.  All my life I had belittled that college calling it "Harvard on the Hill" and "13th grade" implying that it was only barely more than a high school.  While that still may be true, and while community colleges get no respect (mostly due to the non-exclusivity factor) I was proud to have earned that degree.  It may not seem like an accomplishment to most people.  In fact, I still minimize it somewhat.  The fact is though, had it not been for that school, at this time in my life, I would have lost hope.

Jobless, and feeling worthless it was just my last opportunity to prove to myself that I am not an idiot.  I put a good show for people and they get the sense that I'm an intelligent guy who thinks deeply.  The reality is that I talk slowly because I am not quick witted.  Like anyone, I can see humor in things and inconsistencies, but this degree is tangible proof that I have put in the work, the studying, the analysis, the critical thinking to earn it.  With it, I see the possibility of no longer playing the part of a scholar, I can be one.

I intend to go on, and that ceremony moved me to tears.  Helped me to feel that opportunities are attainable.  I enjoyed that feeling immensely, and I want it again.  I plan to continue my education and now have a goal to walk again in 2 years, and again two years after that.  I'm not stopping until I have a law degree, and maybe not even then.