We had a parent/teacher conference with the oldest boys teacher on Wed. Meg was really not looking forward to it and truth be told, I wasn't looking forward to being told that my son is a holy terror and we're horrible parents either. If history was any indication, that's what the conference would have been.
I calmed myself the best I could and tried to reassure Meg that it wouldn't be that bad, even though I only half believed it myself.
We sat down with his teacher, for the first time together, and talked over the behavior problems he's been having. He won't stay on task, and when he's asked to get back on track he'll often refuse and even throw little tantrums. To date he's pushed his work onto the floor when the teacher was standing there, crawled under his desk and just whine sometimes.
He's also complained often that it's too early to go to school. We let him sleep until 7am and school starts at 7:45. Even though we get them in bed by 9pm at the latest, he still complains about being tired.
His hand writing is very poor, which in itself isn't a bad thing, but with all of the other factors does send up a little bit of a red-flag. There's a technical term "dysgraphia" for it, but it's basically a physical sign of a mental disconnect.
Finally, he's having lots of trouble making friends at this school.
All of this we'd heard before, but then his teacher said something that really caught our attention. "Even though he has been disruptive in class, I'm willing to deal with that. I'm more just concerned for him." This was great. Where we were expecting judgment and criticism of our parenting skills, we instead received honest, genuine concern for our little boy. From there the entire tone of the discussion (a conversation that has been ongoing for months now really) changed from "What are you two doing to him?" to one of "How can we help him?".
We expressed our concern that he has previously taken medication and the side-effects were unpleasant and that we'd rather not go down that route again unless we absolutely have to. She offered to talk to the school psychologist but was very honest about our chances there. The Dr. is only at his school 1.5 days a week and likely won't be able to see him. She suggested we should look at our insurance and see if there was a private psychologist that might be able to help.
In short, we're very hopeful. Being our first, he's really gotten a raw deal on the parent side of the equation. As much as we care about him and his development, neither Meg nor I was properly prepared to raise a child when we had him. I suspect no parents really are and just try their best. In any case I really feel good about the track we're on now and hopefully the boy will benefit from the combined efforts, and I'm really grateful now that he has a teacher that was willing to stick with Meg and me for his benefit.
5:38 PM
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2 comments:
I'm so glad you guys are finally getting some helpful answers out of Hyrum's teacher! -Beth
You know, I can say with a large amount of personal bias and way too much insight into your life because I have known you for so long, (which allows me to know you better than you think I do, however much that may creep you out) that you and Meg are much better parents than you think. You are dealing with situations that (as often as you are judged oppositely) are not a reflection of your parenting skills. It is clear to me that you are not trying to ruin your child, ok?
It seems to me that your child has some issues that maybe could be diagnosed by a psychologist or other healthcare provider.
And since you two have the gospel in your lives, you have taught to seek out the answers to your questions through prayer, scripture reading, etc. (You know the primary answers) Do this, and if you already are doing so DO IT MORE!
On Sunday as I was sitting in church, trying to get my 2 yr old to fold his arms during all of the prayers, I thought about how annoyed he might be that there are SO MANY- for which he must stop what he is doing and fold his arms reverently. Yes, we do pray A LOT at church! Why is this? How should this be a reflection of our lives? Do you remember how many times you prayed during a day as a missionary? How many times do you pray in a day now??
If Sunday meetings are an example at all of how we should live our lives during the week perhaps we can take a hint from that about how often we should be praying in our homes. We have been taught to pray about our homes, our children, our jobs, etc- everything!!! How much easier would our lives be if we kept that heavenly conduit open at all times (prayer in our hearts, etc)?
So, let me just end this comment by reminding you that the answers to your every question can be found through prayer and lots of it!
Your friend,
Nicole
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